Sun shivers from cold winters
Crimson water spills from fingers
Ripped in pieces; I say I’m dead.
I don’t exist; I’m in your head.
Owls hoot in the dead of night,
I grasp your instrument and fight.
Skin peels off your bones. I said,
“I don’t exist; I’m in your head.”
Misery, how fancy is she.
A look in the mirror. Not me.
I lick the wound from which I bled.
I don’t exist; I’m in your head.
6 comments:
Hillary, this poem is amazing. your choice in wording and descriptions stopped me in my tracks. youve always had a talent for writing and thats why i chose to read yours and boy how right i was its terrific!
HEY!
First of all, I think youre sexayyy ohh lala.
but anyway. this poem is great. just like your last story, arriving somewhere but not here.
it makes me chuckle with excitement.
And your hair is the color of a thousand roses.
:)!
After reading the poem i think about the scenes in my head and the picture is very amazing with the descriptions. The details made very vivid pictures and the rhyme scheme and overall poem were very good. I feel somewhat shocked by the words of the poem, but even though, it was a great work, i felt this way because the words are about being dead and such things. But the poem was very engaging in many ways.
Amazing poem Hillary! Your imagery in this poem was great. You chose great words and the mood was kind of eery. I had to read your poem over and over because it was so good. The images were very vivid and deep. I was a bit shocked when I first read it, but I think you did a great job. It had a very smooth flow and the rhyme scheme was amazing. I want to read your poem over and over again, it's that good.
I knew you were going to write something orginal and entertaining and that's why I choose to read yours! Your title is very interesting. I have to admit I've never heard that particular phrase before. I liked the form of poetry you used (Kyrielle or that other one... I don't remember the name of it) but it really added emphasis to whatever your poem was about. This was one of those poems that I wish I could write because they absoulutely confused me but in some odd way made complete sense. Your amazing! <- true story
Hillary, this is definitely the most original poem out of everyone's I have read.
Seriously, you have great talent.
I'll be honest, I didn't see much, may it be my lack of imagination, or maybe this poem really didn't use much (or need) imagery to make it great.
You had good rhyme, but i really think the word choice was amazing.
I felt...eh, wierd I guess after reading it. It gave a feeling of secrecy of that which is within us, as well as a little fear with that.
It didn't really remind me of anything I have read previously, really, it was original and outstanding. I especially loved lines 9 - 12
great job, can't stress it enough
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