Sunday, September 7, 2008

Summer Reading Essay by Hannah P

That’s it! David thought. I can’t take this anymore. David’s mother just finished one of her “games” with him. This time she fed him a spoonful of bleach to calm his hunger. Mother is a monster. She plays these horrible games and never lets up! I’m starving half the time and tortured the rest. I’m deprived of nice clothes and locked in the cellar to stand alone in the dark. No one can help me. Mother blames her bad relationship with Dad on me. Everything’s my fault! I’m “The Boy” to her, not even her son! Tonight I’m leaving.
David looked around the desolate cellar. He spied a window barely the size of a shoe box for him to escape out of. He had thought about this before. He thought about running away and never looking back but how could he? He always thought mother would come around and stop but this will never happen. He needed to get out. That’s what I’ll do .I’ll run away. But I have to be fast, but what will I do after that? I have no where to go. David thought about this for a second. It never occurred to him what he would do after he broke out of this prison cell. He had distant family over seas but this was pure imagination. There was no way he could travel to Europe and have his relatives take him in. But he had no other choice that was his last hope of being rescued. This won’t be like other failed attempts to eat food. He promised himself. I’ll have to do it quickly and quietly.
He thought about climbing out through the miniscule window. Mother’s probably passed out on the couch drunk out of her mind again so she won’t hear. David tip toed to the dirty window dusted with cobwebs. The window was too tall for him. He couldn’t reach. Ugh! He thought. How am I going to reach this! He looked around surveying the room for any small box or sturdy item to stand on. Nothing. His mother knew sooner or later David would try to escape and so she cut off all his resources. There was nothing he could do the only way to get out would be to run out the back door. This idea seemed almost impossible for an innocent young boy to cross paths with a hideous monster. I have to do it. He thought. He stared up the intimidating stairs and took a step closer reluctantly.
Becca looked out the airplane window awaiting liftoff from the tarmac. She was anxious to learn about her grandmother’s secret past. Becca was flying to Poland to find the city that was written in black ink on a wrinkly, old paper. Chelmo was its name. Becca never heard of this place before. Gemma never mentioned it to her. But Becca knew this was a clue to unlocking Gemma’s past. Becca repeatedly asked herself the same question in her head who was she? She always knew that she was her Gemma, her grandmother, who she knew and loved. She was the one who would tell her the famous story of Briar Rose at night. The only thing on her priority list was to finally understand Gemma’s life.
When the plane finally reached its target height in the sky, all Becca could do was relax. She closed her eye lids slowly and drifted off into a deep slumber.
Yes! David thought I made it! David just snuck through the long hallway after successfully creeping up the stairs soundlessly. He leaped out the front door and bolted towards the nearest pay phone. He had fifty cents that he found at school a day ago. He hoped to save it up for some food at lunch but only collected a small amount so far. He popped in the change and dialed the number. He called his step aunt on his Dad’s side. She has lived in Poland her whole life. When her Dad got remarried and moved to the U.S.A. she decided to stay and make a family of her own.
David’s hand shook on the receiver. Many thoughts ran through his mind in seconds. What if she doesn’t remember me? What if she moved and I have the wrong number? What if she doesn’t accept me and I have to go back to my terrible home? What if I can never get out of this place? He heard a thick voice on the other of the line when his heart stopped.
“Hello?” She said
“Hi, uh, Auntie Wanda, this is David, your nephew…who lives in America,” He said.
“David? Oh yes, I know now, what’s wrong?”
David explained his whole situation and when he finished there was a moment of silence on the other line. He hesitated.
“I know it’s too much to ask you but please! I need to get out of my house! I need help! Can I please stay with you? You’re the only family I have.” He pleaded
“Yes David of course you can stay with us.” She said in a comforting voice. “We’ll work things out don’t worry.”
They discussed their plans on the phone and planned out everything. Aunt Wanda’s friend would order a passport for David and in a two weeks David would be on a plane to Poland to live with his aunt. Everything was taken care of. David would be free for now. He was relieved of the situation. He could finally relax when he boarded that plane to Poland. No one was going to hunt him down and drag him back to the dungeon.
Becca’s plane arrived on time in Poland. Their, waiting for her, was a women named Magda. Magda showed her around the country taking her to the places she requested. They uncovered more and more of her Grandmother’s secret past. She traveled to a quiet city of Chelmo with citizens more than ashamed and scarred from the horrible past of the city. They interviewed and priest who led them to another informative person, Potocki. Potocki told them the full story of Becca’s grandmother. The scary details haunted Becca but yet she was satisfied with the information she received. In the end there were still some details unresolved. She didn’t know where Gemma’s name changed to Gilt. Although some questions were left unsaid she found out that the story of Briar Rose, which was told to her for so many years, was Gemma’s life story. Magda and Becca left Potocki’s house and went back to the apartment the next day.
They arrived at the apartment that day and found a surprising guest there.
David sat in the corner of room on the couch and stared doe-eyed up into the new coming faces. He was timid and quiet. He sat by himself watching Polish T.V. He obviously couldn’t understand it.
“This is David, girls,” Auntie Wanda explained to them. Wanda was Magda’s aunt too. She lived with Wanda in the apartment. “He has come to visit for a few months. He’s had some family issues and needed a place to stay. Magda this is your distant cousin. He’s your step uncle’s son. You know the one that lives in America.” Magda nodded her head.
“Hello David. I am Magda.” She said nicely.
“Hello I’m Becca. I’m from the states too.” Becca said to him. He looked up and smiled. They had something in common. David was really lost being in a new culture and all. It was a relief to have someone there with him who could relate to him in that way.
It was a cozy apartment all small and humble. They ate gingerbreads and drank tea after supper. David couldn’t remember the last time he had such a good dessert, or even the last time he had dessert. He was happy there in Poland. He liked the distance between his mother and him. He felt free for the first time.
After dinner David proceeded back into the living room and watched some more television. Although he still couldn’t understand what he was watching.
“Girls, why don’t you go and talk to him. He’s come so far from his home and has no one to talk to. His mother is cruel to him and he needs some comfort. Becca why don’t you go and talk since you are both from America.” Wanda said. Becca looked at Wanda smiled, and nodded in agreement.
“Okay.” She said and walked into the room. She strolled by and sat down on the couch. “Hi David, what are you watching?” she asked trying to start a conversation with him.
“I don’t know actually.” He said flipping the channels with the remote. Becca and David chatted about Poland and how they liked it. They both were very kind to each other. David was still quiet and shy even as the conversation progressed. He didn’t open up to people that well. But he got up the courage to ask Becca a question.
“Where are you from again?” He asked. He was curious and wondered why she was here.
“I’m from Massachusetts. It’s along the eastern coast” She explained.
“I know where it is,” He stated without any tone in his voice. “Why are you all the way out here if you live in Massachusetts?”
“Well it’s complicated. See I came over here to get some answers about my grandmother. No one really knows about her past or life before my mom. I made a promise to her that I would find out who she was and know for myself.”
“So did you find it….What you were looking for? Whatever it was” He asked in an interested tone. He was fascinated by her quest. He wanted to know more about it.
“Yes and no. I found out the main secrets but not all. I also was told about a story of her life and found out something more. But there are still some things left unfinished. I just don’t know what to do about it.” Becca sighed. Even though she accomplished a lot she still wanted to know more. I guess her information would have to do for now.
“Sounds interesting, I wish I could remember my grandmother. I don’t see my relatives very much.” David said.
“Why not? Don’t your parents ever let you visit them?” Becca asked
“No never. My mother isn’t a family kind of person.” Becca cocked her head to the side in questioning position.
“She doesn’t like having company over or going out. All she does is drink and fight with my dad. Things are different at my house. I’m the one treated differently. I’m the one that’s just ‘The Boy’.” He said in a depressing voice. Becca could see by the expression on his face that something big was going on. She judged the bruises on his arms and head and assessed the situation briefly.
“How long are you staying here?” Becca asked.
“Hopefully I’m staying here a long time. I have no intentions to go back any time soon.” He said and yawned. Becca looked at her watch and it was late. She said good night to David and packed her things. She was leaving to go back home tomorrow.
The next morning Becca woke up and packed the car up. She said her goodbyes to Aunt Wanda and David and Magda escorted her to the airport. She checked in her baggage and was off to board the plane. This time her airplane flight was different. There was a sadness inside that wasn’t there before. She thought about David and wondered if he’d be okay. He didn’t say it aloud but Becca had a feeling that his mother was not the nicest person in the world to him. She wondered if he’d stay with Wanda and Magda forever or until things are worked out at home. She knew he was in good hands because he was with them. She took out her book and read to pass the time. She didn’t get very far until she totally fell asleep.
Becca made her way home safely and met Stan at the airport. They walked backed to the car and discussed the new article she’d be writing about her grandmother’s fairy tale.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

After reading this story, I remembered how much the beginning brought me back to the first chapter of A Child Called It, and that was a really good thing.
I definitely liked the way that the dialogue flowed between the two characters, and how they seemed so interested in eachother's stories.
However, I would suggest that maybe you should work on having their words and phrases flow with each other a bit more because some of your sentences were a bit run-on.
The quote that stood out to me the most was "He could finally relax when he boarded that plane to Poland. No one was going to hunt him down and drag him back to the dungeon." because this shows that finally now David will get a chance to relax and try to forget about his troubles.
One thing that I would change about your story is that maybe you could have made sure that there were quotation marks in the right places, but everything else was good.
In the future, you might also want to try to break up the story a bit more when you switch the points of view between the different characters.
Overall I really liked reading your story, and hope that all of your future works turn out this well!

Megan! said...

I personally thought that Hannah Pancione's story was very good. While reading it I could remember all the games David's mom played on him and I could also see david trying to find things to help him escape. I could see him creeping up the stairs so that mothere wouldn't hear him. I never read Briar Rose but I could see Becca going to find information on her grandmother and thinking on the plane. The story made me think about how the two stories were almost connected, and I could see it.
I think the dialouge was believable. On a scale of one to ten I would say it was about an eight. I found it beliveable because both David and Becca were from the States, so they talked with a kind of history they knew. There was one thing I did not find believable which was when David was talking to Becca about his mother, she didn't seem overly dramatic. I know that if a little boy I was meeting for the first time basically told me his mother was abusing him, I would have cried and held the boy. But overall, the dialous was believable.
My favorite parts of the story is when David is trying to escape because I think that part is very descriptive. My favorite quote from her story is: "It never occurred to him what he would do after he broke out of this prison cell." I liked this quote because it talks about his "prison cell." Its like when most prisoners break out they know where to go, excpet for him because hes justa boy.
Something that slightly bothered me while reading was the fact there were such long paragraphs. There were some paragraphs that I would have personally chnged into two or even three separate paragraphs. Also I was slightly distracted by the fact I didn't know what Becca already knew about her grandmother. It's because I didn't read the book, but since I didn't I would have liked to know more on that subject.
Hannah, one word of advice is split up paragraphs! Doing so will not only make it clearer, but it will also help the story look a little bit longer. Also, next time I would try to use more descriptive words and use more feelings between the characters. I think that would take your story to a deeper connection level.

Anonymous said...

Hannah incorporated many details and events from both stories, and from reading this I understood the main concepts, scenes, and characters from the two summer reading books she chose. I also felt like the scene she chose for the two characters to meet was believable, and original.
I thought that Hannah did very well on making the personality of the characters show throughout their dialogue, and that the conversations were authentic. For example, Davids anger and feelings about his mother and family, and Becca's thoughtfulness and kindness towards David. However, I thought that when the characters were telling each other about their lives the dialogue went too fast, and instead of showing their emotion about the others events, they just told it, and it sounded like they were reading out of a story.
I liked the beginning of the story, when Hannah gave a solid outline of Davids life and where he lives. A descriptive line i liked at the beginning of the story was, "He spied a window barely the size of a shoe box for him to escape out of." I liked this line because it was descriptive, gave a picture of part of his basement, and flows well.
I think that Hannah's story packed in too much information, and thus she did not have enough time for description, and it also affected the flow of the story.
Next time, i suggest incorporating less of their life story, and having the story be told at a slower pace, and this will help you be more descriptive, adding more specifications like i saw you do very well in parts of the story, and to not be as vague.