Monday, September 8, 2008

Untitled by Evan M.

It was a sunny, cloudless, hot day in New York City . And Alfred Brooks a tall slender black young man was on his way to work at the Mini Mart that he now owns. He walks to work not because he doesn’t have enough money but because it reminds him of when he was younger. As he had done since he was 15 years old. He had co me a long way, when he started working at the mini mart he was just a box boy. He now owns the store. The Mini Mart is right in the middle of New York City on Broadway and is across the street from the ESPN restaurant. It is a very busy place with thousands of people walking and shopping. Alfred has greatly improved the store’s outer appearance as well as it’s inner appearance. He put advertise me nts in the windows about concerts, music festivals and up coming sports events and he made the inside neat and clean. It was a store that welco me d it’s customers Becca was walking down the street when she saw the Mini Mart that her old friend used to work at and she thought she would check it out and see if he still worked there. Her old friend’s na me was Alfred Brooks.. She hadn’t seen her for many years. She was a little nervous about seeing him because the last ti me they had seen each other they had gotten into a fight about his views on the holocaust. She was mad about his lack of knowledge about the holocaust. She saw how afraid her grandmother was of even talking about the horrible things that she had seen and experienced. So seeing Alfred talking sofreely and openly about the holocaust made her very upset. She put all of their past disagreements aside and walked in the door. Alfred looked around when she walked in the door to see who had co me into the store and he was astonished and pleased when hesaw who it was. Alfred yelled out “Hey Becca” and ran over to give her a hug. With agasp of surprise at his warm hug she said hello quietly . She didn’t quite know what to say so she just said” hay” back Alfred was so shocked to see her he was at a loss for words the only thing he could think of was their last meeting and the fight they had so before she could say anything else he said “ im so sorry for what I said the last time we saw each other I was wrong to think I know more than I do about the holocaust” Becca said “it is ok we were young and we didn’t know better but now u can see why I Was so upset” “yes” said Albert after that short conversation the air got lighter around them and all the tension was gone . They started reminiscing about old memories of when they were younger. And then suddenly Becca said “ oh my gosh look at the time? Im supposed to be meeting one of my friends in five minuets! Albert said “well than I guess you better go ,it was so nice to see u. “it was nice to see u to, well goodbye” “goodbye” said Alfred and Becca walked out the door ..

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I- The story was not very well written. Lots of facts were repeated, there were some grammatical or spelling errors, and the writing seemed a little choppy. I feel that the author needed to proofread better and then maybe there wouldn’t be so many grammar and spelling errors. I see two friends who hadn’t seen each other in a while running into each other in a grocery store. The ideas in my head are two friends that haven’t seen each other in a long time see each other again. This story made me think about meeting up with a friend that I haven’t seen in a long time.


II- No, the conversation between the two characters did not seem authentic. The dialogue was very boring, dull, and there wasn’t much of it. One thing the author could have done to make it better would’ve been to include more dialogue with more descriptive words.


III- My favorite part of the story is when they first met. “ im so sorry for what I said the last time we saw each other I was wrong to think I know more than I do about the holocaust”. It showed that he was really sorry for what he said before.


IV- One thing in the essay that I found distracting was the misspelling of lots of words, poor grammar, and some sentences seemed like they didn’t belong.


V- Next time, proofread better. There were a lot of simple obvious things that you would’ve caught if you had proofread a little better.

Anonymous said...

Hi!
You may probably be very interested to know how one can make real money on investments.
There is no need to invest much at first.
You may begin earning with a money that usually is spent
for daily food, that's 20-100 dollars.
I have been participating in one company's work for several years,
and I'll be glad to let you know my secrets at my blog.

Please visit my pages and send me private message to get the info.

P.S. I earn 1000-2000 per day now.

http://theinvestblog.com [url=http://theinvestblog.com]Online Investment Blog[/url]

Anonymous said...

From improving your grades in school to your play on the soccer field to just kicking back and having a good time, video gaming have so much to offer! In this article, we share ideas to help you find great games and rise in your gaming levels.

Don't let gaming consume your life. Too much video games can be unhealthy. You need to be sure that you do other activities too. Online Games can be addictive, so just make sure that you moderate your usage.

Try to limit gaming to no more than a few hours per day maximum. There is no doubt that gaming is addictive, and this has become a real problem for many people. Try to stick to playing video games for only a few hours each day. If you're someone who plays long hours, then it's best to take plenty of breaks during the day.

If you're looking for video games that are on sale, look at their Metacritic score prior to buying one. Many discounted games are cheap because they are not any fun to play. So, if you buy an unplayable game, you won't save money. Reviewing the scores, especially from a review aggregator like Metacritic, can save you from wasting your cash.

Hang onto those old online games you used to play. Trade in your games for new ones or for cash to maximize your investment. You can use store credits from your old games to go towards the purchase of new ones.

It can be helpful to play a trial version of a game you are unsure about purchasing. Trials let you test the game out first to see if it's something you like playing. If you enjoy the trial, you can make the purchase.

Nintendo's Wii online game system is good for people who want to get in shape and increase physical activity levels. The Wii works with your own body movements and has an array of games that incorporate fitness.

If you're looking at purchasing a new video game, you can reserve it before it actually comes out. It is often the case that an extra feature or bonus is given to those who get in early on reserving a copy. These bonuses can give you an edge in the game, cool outfits, and unique features that are only available when purchased before release.

Make use of subtitles. Looking for a way to hear the dialogue much better due to the overwhelming noise of those loud games? Subtitles fix that problem. Look for audio settings in the options menu. If you look carefully through the menu, you should be able to locate the subtitles feature.

You can get good deals by purchasing used online games. It is a good idea to buy a disc cleaner if you buy a lot of used games, though. You never understand what sort of shape your game will be in when you do this. If your discs are really dirty a good cleaning kit will help to restore them. It is a good idea to look at several cleaning disc options. There are many kits like this on the market.

Figure out how to operate the safety and parental controls of any gaming system that comes into your home. You can likely make adjustments that keep kids from viewing mature content. Some allow each gaming profile to be customized separately, allowing adults to enjoy games not meant for younger audiences.

Video games were there in the past, they're here in the present, and they will be there in the future. It is unbelievable to see their evolution. It is astounding to think of what the future may hold. So much fun to thing about it and imagine all the possibilities of future games.