Dave Pelzer, who is now free from his mother and with a family of his own, looked at his caller ID and saw that he was receiving a long distance call. He answered the phone, very unsure of who might be on the other end.
"Hello?" Dave asked.
"Hello. Is this David Pelzer?" the voice questioned.
"Yes, this is him," Dave answered.
"Hi Dave, my name is Daisy."
Daisy talked to him on the phone for a brief amount of time. She told him that she had learned from her father and wicked step mother about his troubles in his childhood with his mother. She explained how she had also been in a difficult situation as a child, and wanted to know more about what he went through. He agreed to meet her and talk about his past. She told him to meet her at her old farm house in England to refresh her memory.
At first, Dave was startled. He didn't know if he wanted to go to England. But
Daisy sounded like she really wanted to discuss their problems, so he agreed to go. He got tickets in the mail a couple days later and the next morning he was on his way to England to meet Daisy, his unknown admirer. Before he left, he said good-bye to his own family and on the plane he tried to think of every single one of the horrible things his mother put him through.
Once Dave arrived in England at the old farm house, it looked really beat up. The siding was falling off, the roof was caving in, and it all together looked like a mess. He was now really nervous to know what happened here. He walked up and knocked on the door and almost instantly a girl answered the door.
"David?" she asked unsteadily.
"Yes, are you Daisy?" Dave replied.
"Yes, please come in!" Daisy beamed.
Inside wasn't much nicer. There were shelves missing and glass in the kitchen and everything was so dirty. Dave could not believe it. But then he walked into the next room and saw two people out in the garden. He asked Daisy who they were, and she told him he was better off meeting them.
When he got closer, he saw that they all looked the same: skinny, pale, dark hair, and sullen faces. It looked as though they haven't eaten or cared for themselves in weeks. But Dave was not one to start troubles, so he put that past him and he met them with a smile. There was a girl and a boy, Piper and Edmund. Piper walked straight up to him and gave him a hug, and Edmund gave him a very weak handshake, but that was fine with him.
Daisy then took him inside and gave him a cup of tea. Anyone who looked at Dave could tell about his troubled past. He had many scars and he looked beat up here and there. Daisy also looked into his eyes like she used to with Edmund and she could see that Dave was a strong man. After the life he had growing up, he found good in every day that kept him strong and alive. She was so curious to know this good, it just blurted out of her mouth.
"Dave, what was your drive to stay living?" Daisy quickly covered her mouth thinking she wasn't supposed to ask, but Dave answered right away.
"I wanted to defeat my mother," he said. "I wanted to get past the abuse and act like it never hurt me, just to make her cringe. Then one day, I did defeat her. They day I was free from her wrath for good. It was the best day of my life."
Daisy then questioned what exactly she did to him and why she did it. Dave told her about his father. He told her how her father was hard working and worked long hours and how his mother would then turn to alcohol to make her feel better. That's when she started getting out of control. When he explained to Daisy about the times she made him swallow ammonia and all the nights she made him sit in the bathroom either freezing in the tub being laughed at or choking on her cleaning gasses, she was in complete shock and utter amazement of how horrible someone could be.
David could see the horror on her face and asked what she was thinking.
She simply replied, "That is the worst thing to ever happen to a child."
David then asked her what she had gone through. She explained about how she was sent to England by her father and evil step-mother. Then when she got there, there was a war and she got separated from her cousin, and true love, Edmund. She started explaining about the friendships that started and ended for numerous reasons between her and Piper and the generals they stayed with. Daisy also talked about the war sights they saw, her most vivid memory on that farm where she thought she was meeting Edmund, but when she got there all she saw were dead people and animals.
While Daisy was explaining her vivid memories, David was taking it all in and following along. He then got curious and wanted to ask more questions, so he asked a few.
"Daisy," David wondered. "How did you find Edmund and how did you know you loved him even though he was your cousin?"
"Well," Daisy started to answer. "I found him because if I looked deep into my own soul and dreams, I saw Edmund there with me. He would direct me where to go, and it was all the help I needed to find him. And I knew I loved him because of that. Even before I could look into his eyes, and I knew we were meant to be. There was some disagreement when we saw each other for the first time after the war, but we fixed it up, and now we are perfect. How are your family, and your mother?"
"My family is amazing. I love my wife very much and I have a son. And I look back on my past every day and I make sure I don't see the signs of my mom in my wife or me, because I don't want my child to have a life like I did, it was horrible. And my mother was doing okay last time I saw her. The last time we visited was the Christmas after my son was born about 7 years ago. All she wanted was to see her grandson."
"That's good. I hope everything works out." Daisy exclaimed.
"I hope the same for you and Edmund, too." David smiled.
And with that, they looked at the clock and they had been talking for hours. It was time for bed for both of them. The next morning, David said his goodbyes to everyone and he headed back to home. When he got home, he saw Daisy's email address on the table, and they have kept in touch ever since.
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2 comments:
My personal reaction to this story was was that it was very deep, and well written with a lot of emotion. I could tell a lot of effort was put into writing this story.
I do think that dialogue was very believeable, and it sounded very real and like something that two people would actually say. How they were both very personal and asking questions made it seem especially real.
My favorite part of this essay was the end, "When he got home, he saw Daisy's email address on the table, and they have kept in touch ever since. " i like it because it means that they were good friends and that was a good way to end the story.
I didn't find anything about this essay problematic, besides a few typos, but nothing that sticks out enough to make the whole essay wrong.
Something that should be considered for turture writing projects, is to be a little more descriptive in your writing. It was very well written, but i couldn't see any images in my mind due to lack of descriptive words.
Overall, I really liked Megan’s story. The beginning was sort of confusing to figure out what was happening but reading the conversation that David had with the other characters in England, the story was put together. I really felt that I could understand what the lives of the character’s lives were like because of how well some of her descriptions were. The way Megan wrote about what David looked liked, I could picture him in my head. After reading her story, I really thought about what life would be like if I were abused close to death and how much pain you would go through.
I thought that the conversation in the story was authentic because it sounded very realistic. However, parts of Daisy’s words were unnatural. I thought this because some of it sounded too cheesy for the way her character was portrayed like how she described Edmund as if her hard life never happened. In my opinion, I think Megan should make her characters seem more believable by matching their personalities with their stories.
My favorite part of Megan’s story was the way David talked about his family and his mother. It seemed like such a realistic statement since his life was so bad as a kid. I really liked when Megan wrote David saying: “And I look back on my past every day and I make sure I don't see the signs of my mom in my wife or me, because I don't want my child to have a life like I did, it was horrible.” It was very touching because I completely agree.
Throughout Megan’s story, I don’t think there were many errors in her writing however there were a few points like when David was talking about his life, where some parts could have used quotations or be stated differently because some sentences seemed like he was saying them rather than Megan describing what his life was like.
Megan’s story was very well-written but to make it even better, I think she should work on the introduction and starting off the story to make a clearer understanding to the reader.
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