Sunday, September 7, 2008

The Unforgettable War by Katelyn

Daisy had always wanted to meet her family that lived in Europe so her father and stepmother thought it would be a perfect time for her to go since her stepmother was pregnant. When she got off the plane she met them all and they spent a lot of time together and learned a lot about each other in the few days that Daisy had been there. The house she stayed in was on a farm and it was far away from town. There was a wide rolling field and a lot of animals. It had only been a couple days since she was there but her aunt had to leave for on a business trip and wouldn’t be back for a week. The day after she left a train station was bombed and a war started to break out. Over the next couple of days everything seemed to be fine until a doctor showed up at the farm where she was living. He looked around and said that this was a perfect spot and it would be the headquarters for the army. Daisy and one of her cousin Piper were relocated to a house in Poland.

She meet Rebecca another American who was there trying to find out what happened during her grandmothers lifetime.

“ My grand mother Gemma always used to tell me about the story of Briar Rose and while she was sick in the hospital she always told me it was her.” Rebecca said

“What was it about?” Daisy asked.

“ It was about a princess who lived in a castle where everyone there fell asleep from poisonous fumes and only the princess was kissed awake by her prince.” Rebecca told.
“I wonder if your grandmother was the princess in the story?” Daisy asked.

“ That’s what I came here to find out.” Rebecca answered.

Daisy and piper got the few things that they had brought with them unpacked and looked around. It looked like Daisy and Piper where staying in Mrs. McEvoy’s sons bedroom. While Daisy and Piper where staying at the McEvoy’s they learned a lot about the war since Mr. McEvoy was a major in the war. They also learned a lot about Rebecca’s grandmother and what she already had been through trying to figure out what her grandmothers past was like. The war was getting worse so the McEvoy family, Rebecca, Daisy and Piper were relocated to an army base where they met some other families and people going through the same thing. While they were there they met a couple of people of interesting people.

“ Yeah I remember the war I escaped from a prison and hid out with other people. We hid out and traveled all over Poland and looked for other people who had escaped and were in hiding.” Joseph told.
“Do you remember any of the people that you met?” Rebecca said.

“ I wonder if one of them was your grandma.” Daisy piped in.

“ Was your grandma captured during the war?” Joseph asked.

“ Yeah, she was captured by the Nazis and taken to a camp, I came to Poland to figure out what happened in her past.” Rebecca replied.

“ What was her name?” Joseph said.

“ I am not sure, she had many. One was Ksiezniczka…” Rebecca said.

“ I knew a girl with her name, she had orange hair and pale skin, we called her that because she forgot her name and she told us she came from a castle.” Joseph interrupted.

“ That was in the story my grandma told me, that was my Gemma, how did you know her?” Rebecca excitedly said.

Daisy, Piper, and Rebecca sat quietly while Joseph told the story of how he meet Gemma and who Rebecca’s grandfather was. He had meet her when a fellow friend that was in hiding dug through dead bodies and pulled out a girl that was still moving. They kissed her alive and she told them how she was trapped in a castle and fumes knocked everyone out. Daisy Rebecca, and Piper realized that this was Gemma’s story and she was really Briar Rose. She had been taken to a concentration camp located in an abandon castle and been poisoned by car fumes as the Nazis brought to burry her and many others.

It had been many weeks since the war had begun. It was in the middle of the night when Daisy, Rebecca and Piper were woken up by people screaming and gunshots. The war had reached them. They grabbed all the things they could carry and ran into the woods. They walked until sunrise and then rested. They took the compass Daisy had taken from the McEvoy’s house and followed that. They weren’t sure where to go until they got to a river and Piper realized this river went by her farm. They followed it for many miles until they got to the town by the farm. They were so excited to see something familiar they ran to their farm. When they got there it was trashed from the soldiers but they cleaned it up to the best that they could.

Weeks past and Piper and Daisy were reunited with their cousins. Rebecca was happy with the information that she found and went back to America a couple days after the cousins were reunited. Rebecca told her story to her sisters and nephews and nieces Daisy eventually left and went home to live with her father, stepmother, and new stepbrother. Years past but Daisy went back to Europe and lived with her cousins since her aunt had died in the war trying to get home to her kids. Daisy and Rebecca kept in touch and stayed good friends and never forgot the days that they spent together.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

After reading Katelyn's story, my reaction was that I'm very glad there isn't a war over here in the U.S. I would be so scared if soldiers came to my home, and told me I had to leave. I feel very fortunate to be able to live in the United States. I remember that Daisy went to Europe to see her family, but it ended up that she had to stay longer than she intended because of everything that happened with the war. When Katelyn describes the farm,
“The house she stayed in was on a farm and it was far away from town. There was a wide rolling field and a lot of animals."
I can relate this description, to some of the homes that are in Hadley or Granby. The ideas running through my head right now, is I wonder what I would do if I lived in a war, or were in Daisy and Pipers situation. This story made me think about how fortunate I am to live in a free country, and not have to worry about someone coming to my home and telling me to leave.

The conversation between Daisy, Rebecca, and Joseph seem very authentic. Katelyn wrote a scene that made me believe that this conversation actually happened, because it seems real. The details that made Katelyn’s story so believable were things like,
“That was in the story my grandma told me, that was my Gemma, how did you know her?” Rebecca excitedly said.”
I think this is really believable because of how coincidental the whole conversation was.

My favorite part of the story was when Piper and Daisy follow a river back to a town by the farm.
” They were so excited to see something familiar they ran to their farm.”
I liked the line above because I can imagine how excited, and proud they would be to find their way back to the farm. I like how Katelyn said ‘to see something familiar’

I didn’t find anything distracting or problematic in Katelyn’s Story. I do think that she could have put a little more description into it, and created some vivid scenes, but overall I think that she did a very nice job on this assignment.

Next time I would suggest, expanding on your vocabulary. I think using some uncommon words in a story make it more interesting, and give off a better image for the reader. Also like I said above to add more description to your story. Other than that, you had a very good plot, and I really enjoyed reading your story

Megan! said...

When I read Katelyn's story, I could remember the whole book of "how I live now." Just in one paragraph! Also throughout the story, I thought liked how she sxplained what Becca was actually looking for.

Overall, I thought the dialouge was very believable. She made it sound like two people would actually talk to eachother and have a convorsation. Sometimes I thought there should have been talking where there wasn't, but overall I thought it was good. I don’t think I saw any problems with dialouge throughout the story.

I liked it when Katelyn was describing the war in England. My favorite quote was: "'we called her that because she forgot her name and she told us she came from a castle.' Joseph interrupted." I liked this quote because it says a lot about how her gemma lived. I also like the fact that she had so many troubles that she forgot her own name, so everyone called her one crazy name.

The only thing that I found slightly destracting was the fact that I thought the story was almost rushed. She would write about one topic and jump to a randomly new one the next paragraph. I thought the story was very good besides that one slight distraction.

I thought Katelyn's story was very good. The only thing I would suggest to her is to make the story clearer and less rushed. Otherwise, keep up the good work!

Anonymous said...

After reading Katelyn's story, I was intrigued by the story of Gemma and her connection to Briar Rose, and it made me want to read the story.
I think that the conversation between Rebbecca and daisy was authentic, because Becca's fascination of her grandmothers life showed, as well as daisy's curiosity. However, I think you should have added more dialogue between the two characters.
My favorite part of the story is when Becca learned that Joseph took part in Gemma's life and travels. I like the quote, "That was in the story my grandma told me, that was my Gemma, how did you know her?" because it shows Becca's curiosity and relief to finally learn the true story of her grandmother.
I think that you should have added more background and dialogue from daisy, because her involvement in this story was a bit fuzzy. Also, when you went into Becca's story from Daisy's background, the transition was very abrupt.
In the future i think you should incorporate an equal amount of detail from both stories.