The day started as any other. David woke up from my little room down in the garage shivering cold and went upstairs to precede the chores his mother was going to make him do. First was to make breakfast for everyone in the house, though he could not eat it himself. David had to watch everyone have delicious food while he just sat there starving. Next David had to clean the whole bathroom while his mother yelled at him and stuffed him in the bathroom barely allowing him to breath with a sickening mixture of ammonia and Clorox filling the room. He couldn't stand the thought of living there anymore. Five years David's torture had been going on, his whole childhood taken away from him. Everyday as he would do his chores he'd have a flashback of the good old times where everyone in his family got along. He didn't know why, but that day all he could think of is enough was enough; he had to get out of that house. As David was thinking of his plan to escape, he could hear mother walking down the hall.
"Get up!" mother screamed.
Without saying anything he did as he was told. David followed her into the kitchen where he was to scrub every single tile with a simple toothbrush while his mother was yelling at the top of her lungs screaming about how worthless he was, nothing but an it. Davis had not finished scrubbing the floor on time so his mother had an extra punishment. She took him to the stove already burning hot and grabbed his arm.
“What are you doing?” David screamed.
“You’ve been a bad boy David.” His mother said in a harsh tone.
David just kept struggling and pulling away to keep his mother from burning him knowing that someone was going to be home soon and the torture would stop. After five minutes of trying to save his skin his brother Kevin walked in and his mother quickly let go of his arm.
After his long day he was forced to go down to the garage until the next morning. Sitting in the basement he knew that tonight was the night he would escape. One of the windows of the garage was already broken and had a large piece out of it. David would break off every piece of the window in order to escape, making sure he was as quiet as possible. Piece by piece David was closer to freedom until he heard his mother coming. David ran to the cot and sat there. She stared at him and went away.
"That was close," he thought to himself.
David wanted to get out of there as fast as he could; he needed to get out of there as fast as he could. Finally, the last piece was gone. The window was big enough for him to fit through since he was so frail and had nothing but scraps to eat for five days. David just ran and ran for four days straight until he found himself in Cape Cod, Massachusetts. Everyone just stared at him looking at his ripped clothing with stains all over it looking nothing more then a homeless boy. He was at the harbor when he saw that there was a boat on its way to France. David had snuck on underneath the boat where the entire luggage was. After three days of being cramped up and hiding on the boat, it had finally made its stop and he took a train to Poland. He had no idea where in Poland he was, but what a disaster it was there. The streets were all mud, filth was everywhere. Houses were broken down; trees were burned to the ground. Men were walking everywhere in these green suits with some kind of star he could not make clear of. They had guns with them and many carts would roll by the streets and David did not know where they were going but just heard deafening screams of people which made a shiver down his spine. He walked down the road until he was stopped by a man in a green uniform.
"What is your name?" the man asked David.
"My name is David." he had told him.
"Where are you from?" the man wondered.
"I come from America." he answered him.
"So do I. I am just making sure you are not Jewish." He said in a harsh tone, "Just keep on walking. Oh, kid, be careful."
David had not known why the man wondered if he was Jewish or not, he didn't think it mattered. David came across a big white house with miles of woods in the back. There was a little dirt path he took to find a shelter of some sort where he could stay. David was looking down walking through the woods when the next thing he knew he was down on the ground. David arose from the hard fall and a woman about the age of twenty-two was sanding in front of him.
"Who are you?" the woman asked.
"My name is David, David Pelzer." "What is your name?" he responded.
"Well, my name is Ksiezniczka, which means princess in polish, so I am called Princess for codename.
"Why would you have a code name?" he questioned.
" Well, right now there is a time where a man named Hitler is going against all Jewish people and he is trying to demolish our population, he doesn't feel we fit into the population, he doesn't think we belong. A war called War World I is going on right now about these issues. I escaped from my camp and have been running away trying to save myself. Unfortunately I have lost my group and I am now on my own." she said sadly.
“That’s terrible, but what camp are you talking about" David had said.
“A concentration camp is where we are brought in a small cart and have to suffer and do work. They treat us like slaves, even worse. We are beaten and forced to do labor and have to freeze during the winter. I don't think anyone will make it out alive
“I thought I had it bad." he told her.
“Why would you say that?" she asked him.
David told Ksiezniczka about the abuse he had gone through for five years. He told her about the stove incident nearly burning his arm, how he could barely breath in a bathroom and suffocating from horrible gases and the chores he was made to do just so his mother could see him work and be unhappy.
“Oh my, I am so sorry.” Princess said.
David and Princess had been on the run for quite some time. They were trying to get to another country to be away from all of the madness. They had taken a train in Lithuania to Estonia. They could not believe the change in scenery. It was beautiful there. The trees were tall and green and the air was fresh and crisp. They walked on the road just to get away and came across a little cottage. It was empty and showed no one had been in it for years.
David and Princess lived in Estonia for about a year. They were at the store one day when they heard someone on the radio. I’d like to announce that War World I is officially over! Everyone cheered and screamed at the great news. David and Princess walked back to their new home and lived there for the rest of the lives.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
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3 comments:
I thiught that this story was really good. I can really see it happening. The part with Dave escaping through the window was a good idea. You described Dave's situation before he ran away very well. Your story made me think about what would've happened to the real Dave Pelzer if he'd run away from home.
I think that the conversation between the two charactors was verty authentic. It was a great idea. It seemed natural because Princess sort of talked with more advanced words and Dave with simpler ones since he is younger.
I like the qoute " They could not believe the change in scenery. It was beautiful there. The trees were tall and green and the air was fresh and crisp." You used a lot of descriptive words.
YOu might need to be more specific on how Dave survived on a boat for three days without food or water.
Try using a bit more descriptive language next time.
I thought Kara's story was very good. I could picture David running and sneaking on the boat to go to Poland and also how he and the princess traveled and met each other. From Kara's description, I could visualize what the Holocaust and David's abusive life was like. I do think her story could use some more descriptions; however, overall I understood and connected the story to real life. Also, in her opening paragraph, Kara described David's life very well and clearly stated that he had such a hard life.
I think that the conversation in her story was for the most part authentic, but there were some parts like when David met the princess that weren't that believable. I could totally see David's mother yell and talk like she described too. I would think a mean, abusive mother would talk the way Kara wrote. The part when David met the guy in the green suit, in my opinion, was very unbelievable and I think that if a soldier were fighting alongside Hitler, he wouldn't be as nice to the boy as he was.
My favorite part of Kara's story was when he escaped from his mother and traveled all by himself so far. My favorite line of the story was: "Five years David's torture had been going on, his whole childhood taken away from him" This stood out to me because it really described how much pain the boy went through in his life
In the first sentence of her paper, Kara used my instead of his. This was instantly a problem to her story because I had to reread a few times to understand what she was talking about. Secondly, in the first paragraph also, breath was used instead of breathe and in the dialogue where the princess is explaining what was happening in Poland, she talked in a run-on sentence.
As for future writing suggestions, I think Kara should try to describe what is going on in the scene and descriptions in general next time. Overall, Kara wrote a very good story.
Great story you got here. I'd like to read a bit more concerning this matter.
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