“Upsurge ahead!” screamed Jack McFarland.
A rugged sea captain around fifty years old, McFarland was an easy man to understand. Dedicated but stubborn were his biggest traits. Irish born, McFarland often fished off the Irish coast.
He gazed into the experienced eyes of his crew. Four men clenched their ships protrusions as a monstrous wave engulfed them and the ‘Old Maid’.
“All men accounted for!” first mate Scott Shimson yelled as the waves quieted and the ship began to settle. Grunts came from the three other crew members, Steve Shirley, and Matt and Jon Rider.
“Get used to it boys, there’s more trouble brewing once we near the coast.” McFarland chuckled.
Each crew member wondered why the skip would take the chance of nearing Ireland with such unlucky weather and the rocky reputation Ireland’s coast held. Becoming uneasy about his captains decision to continue on just so the crew wouldn’t lose some of their catch, first mate Shimson brought up the topic in the late hours of the day.
“Skip, I’m worried this idea of yours can lead us to bad outcomes. The coast can be very untrustworthy with weather like this and its deadly rocks.”
“It’s no secret Scotty, the ‘Old Maid’ isn’t in her prime anymore. I did the figuring and this catch could give us just enough money to hold ourselves up ‘til we find our bearings and get the Maid fixed up good.
The captain raised his head and looked dead into Shimson’s eyes.
“If we lose any of our catch, the price of our fish goes down and we won’t have enough money for the ship. It’s that simple.”
Getting up from his seat and raising his voice just enough for his crew on deck to hear, the captain said aloud, “We’ll sail to the Irish coast with no worries about the storm. The ‘Old Maid’ will live on if I have any Irish luck left in me!”
As night came the sea became choppy. All five men prepared themselves for the worst possibilities as the ship passed the first few indomitable rocks off the coast. The rain seemed to be as thick as glue and waves crashed along the ship, teasing its tired body from years of use.
Members of the crew began questioning where the coast actually was, when from the nest, Jon Rider was heard clear, “Light ahead! Light ahead! Due north Skipper! Right in front o’ our eyes!
The men on ship cheered and jumped, all seeing the lighthouse clearly, some four hundred yards away.
Dangerously sidetracked from the excitement, the crew paid no attention to the disaster they had placed themselves in. Steve Shirley was the first to notice but it was much too late. A cry was heard above the waves as the ‘Old Maid’ was treacherously smashed against an enormous coastal rock.
“Man over board!” Shimson barely finished while the right side of the ships hull was destroyed, sending the crew and debris to the sea.
By early morning the two Rider brothers and first mate Scott Shimson found their way onto the high point of the rock. Captain McFarland and Steve Shirley weren’t seen by day break.
Realizing they wouldn’t have much time before another storm and ultimately their death, the three men began to think up possibilities of how they would make it to the shore. Sitting close to the water, Matt Rider noticed the Maid’s anchor was wedged between a few rocks very close by, the rope still attached. He gathered the rope and brought it to the others who had quickly thought up a plan.
One man would have the rope tied around his waist and swim to the closest rock. The other two would hold the ropes end and make sure the man made it across. Once arriving at the rock, the order would reverse as the two men swam to him.
With the water relatively clam, this idea worked phenomenally. In a mere four hours of work, the men made it to Ireland’s shore. Scott Shimson, Jon Rider and Matt Rider lay on the cold beach of Ireland, remembering never again to test their Irish luck.
Monday, January 8, 2007
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12 comments:
I really enjoyed the story. There was a good plot and I could really picture what was going on in my mind.I liked how you explained some parts of the story in detail. It was very well thought up.
max i like how your story was set at sea. you used great detail and that really helped me picture what was happening. i liked this story and i expect you to write more.
merc
This was a very well thought of story it has many details that enable you to picture things well in your mind. You used great detail as anonymous said and i agree with them.
Well since my other comment sucked and Mr Bg didn't aprrove...
Max I like how your story was set at sea. You used great detail and that really helped me picture what was happening. I liked this story and I expect you to write more.
The names you used sounded irish along with the dialog. The story remined me of Mike W. story. Both about fishing and both were in a storm worried about losing their catch. You used good sailor jargon, it seems like you knew what you were talking about max.
Well done Max. I love the setting and how you described everything in detail. I also liked how you ended the story. This story made me remember of Poseidon, which is a movie on how a ship got flipped over by a humungous wave and the passengers all try to survive. In the end only about 5 people survive. It is kind of similar to your story.
Also, I liked how you changed the dialect of the people talking in you story. It makes the story more real. My favorite part is when you use similes and the line, “The rain seemed to be as thick as glue and waves crashed along the ship, teasing its tired body from years of use.” I think that’s a very descriptive sentence which makes your story better.
This was a very good story. It was very suspenseful and it sucks you in. You used some good words. I especially liked the dialect the sailors spoke in. It made the story more realistic. Nice. =).
Pretty nice, Max. The title is what dragged me in at first, and that's very important. Enticing titles are often the result of a solid, memorable story. Yours is no different than that. I loved the way you constructed a tough sea captain who put his faith in his Irish luck, even against the rugged shores of the Emerald Isle.
The details you provided were exceptional, and kept me reading from begginning to end. Though it was a short story, it has great potential to become a novel perhaps. Lastly, it was a creative, original story. I haven't heard anything like it, and enjoyed it very much.
Nice job Heebs. Your story was intense, I really enjoyed reading it. You used perfect descriptions and flawless details. You've got a real talent when it comes to this stuff. Keep up the good work kid.
I liked it, pretty good action and a well developed plot. I wouldnt mind if you kept writing, I wouldve liked to read about the history of the cap'n. ☺
One of the few that actually had good grammar, and one of even less that I actually wanted to continue reading after half way.
awesome story, you used incredibly spactacular description and i felt like the sea was blowing in my face as i read the story. Wow.
Pirates, obviously, are fun, especially with the recent success of Jack Sparrow.
This story is really about men trying to overcome nature, but in the end it appears nature won.
Fortunately the men survived, but I imagine they lost their catch.
You had some nice description here (treacherously smashed), and the dialogue ("Get used to it boys, there’s more trouble brewing once we near the coast") makes the story enjoyable to read.
The ending seemed a little too convenient, but as a story overall it has some nice moments.
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