It was a dark night in harlem and I was walking down the street. There was trash everywhere cause it was just after new years eve. I was thinking about wat mr.Donatelli had told me. Alfred your last fight is going to be in march. But little did I know it would in a battle school 60 years in the future in space.
Then out of the corner of my eye I saw something fal down to earth. I started to run to it. As I aproached the massive glowing hole I slowed down and waited. Furin g my wait the glowing became much less intense. I could now make out the shape of a small like rocket ship thing in the whole. Then all went dark and a small boy pobably like 9 or 10 years old came out. I just stood there staring at him.
“Are you Alfred brooks?”. Questioned ender
“ Yes , I am alfred brooks who are you?” alfred asked nervously
“ my name is ender wiggin and I am from 60 years in thte future you are wanted in the battle school. You have to come with me now.”ender told him
“Why?” alfred asked
“the reason has to be kept a secret untill you are evalutated, now don’t make me take you by force.” Ender said fiercly
“ fine I’ll come just tell me where it is” alfred said angrilly
“Good, and you will find out soon” ender told alfred.
Ender took me to his little rocket ship and strapped me into the baackseat. As we started to take off I started seeing plaid stripes everywhere. I saw in movies that this means we gouing at the speed of light. I also strated seeing really important inventions wiz by us as we were flying.
“How do you like time travel alfred?” ender asked me
“It’s alittle bit different but it is cool.” I answered
Then there was silence. For a long time. What seemed like hours was days days were week and weeks were years. We traveled 60 years at the speed of light. Then finally we saw the battle school. The batle school was dark place with walls that rounded up as you walked to keep the gravity on. Ender and alfred were in the same army ender was the comander and alfred began to get jealous of enders power after a couple of months. So he then went to general graff and requested a switch. When he got back to the armys baracks…
“where have you been?” asked ender in strict tone
“why do you care?” alfred retaliated
“I care because I’m the comander of your army” ender holared back at alfred.
“whatever I don’t care im switching armys anyway.” Alfred yelled
Later that night alfred was named the comander of rat army. He found out that he was facing enders army tomorwo he planned for revenge on ender so he could have some power.
The next morning they fought… ender won. Not very surprising but they didn’t have there war they fought in the shower room. Alfred beign mucvh bigger and stronger than ender wrapped him up in a headlock. Then ender countered with a really hard headbut to alfreds chin it made him bite his tounge off and die. Enders went on to win the whole bugger war with this guilt on him.-
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3 comments:
After reading Andrew’s story I was surprised because I didn’t think it was going to end that way. After reading it I felt as if I wanted to go read another fiction book because it was very exciting and interesting. I remember in the beginning of the story Alfred didn’t want to go with Ender and seemed shy and weak but by the end of the story he transformed into a very powerful character. I see Ender and Alfred traveling through space and all the colors and things going by them. The ideas in my head after reading this is what would life be like if there was a time machine and how to invent a time machine. The story made me think about if I had a time machine what I would go back in the past and change.
The conversation between the two characters seemed authentic. The details that made the dialogue seem real were that the characters didn’t use big words and they used words that you would hear in real life dialogue. I think that Andrew did a good job of writing dialogue for the characters in the story.
My favorite part of the story was when Ender and Alfred were traveling through time in the time machine. I also liked when Alfred defeated Ender in their fight. “I also started seeing really important inventions wiz by us as we were flying.” This quote stood out to me because it sounded really cool to be flying at light speed as things from the past were going by you. Also I liked it because it reminded me of movies that I used to watch with time travel in them.
Andrews essay was very interesting and exciting. There were a couple of spelling mistakes throughout it but it was much and didn’t really distract me from the story. I enjoyed it and I would like to maybe read Ender’s game in the future.
Next time consider reading your essay over more then once so it will be easier to pick up spelling mistakes. Also, you may find something you want to change or remember something you wanted to add. This was a very good story and made me wish that there was another one like this to comment on. It was very exciting and it made me want to keep reading to find out what happened next.
I felt it was a little weird that ender just showed up in a rocket ship and took Alfred into the future. Also in the beginning it said that Alfred was going to a have a match sixty years in the future at a battle training school. Did that happen? Some of the images I saw were the rocket ship falling from the sky and the trash on the streets after new years eve, after that there wasn’t very much description. The Idea that ender made Alfred die by throwing back his head and making him bite his tongue off, can that happen?
The conversation between the two characters did not really seem authentic, because they were very quick conversations. That didn’t really give any information. One characteristic that made the characters not seem real was that ender was kind of set back and in this story ender was very aggressive. One thing the author could have done to make it better would be to ad a lot more dialogue, because e there didn’t seem to be very much dialogue at all.
My favorite part of the story was when ender threw his head back and made Alfred bite off his tongue. “Then ender countered with a really hard head butt to Alfred’s chin it made him bite his tongue off and die.” This was my favorite part because it made me remember when ender beat up the kid in the beginning of the book. Also it was funny, because there is no way you would die from having your tongue bit off. It stood out to me because it didn’t go along with either story line.
I thing I found problematic about the essay was that it seemed like ender and Alfred were getting along fine in the rocket ship. But then, when they got to the battle training school it was almost like they almost hated each other. What made them turn on each other? How did Alfred gain control of the rat army so quickly?
Try not to change character attitudes toward one another so quickly because it really makes the story seem off balance. Also, next time, consider adding more dialogue, because it doesn’t seem like they did enough talking before they hated each other. What do you think would happen if Alfred had effused to go with ender, and they got into a battle to the death? Overall pretty good story, it made me laugh at the end.
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